Still Waiting For The Fun Part To Begin

I had high hopes for today. Anticipated precipitation morphed into a 75-degree morning. Got my workout done early so I could gather my bearings before the kiddies appeared on the scene. All packed up for a day at the shore, well before Lulu and I had to leave for tumbling. All of the makings for a promising day. Until everything came skidding to a literal halt.

With five minutes to spare, Lulu and I were driving to the gym, belting out “Let It Go” by Adele Nazeem (LOL) at the tops of our lungs. I was caffeinated and looking forward to the one hour of peace and quiet I get during the week. But the universe had other plans.

Just as an aside, I love it when I’M the one in control of the universe. It’s way more fun that way. But we’re not talking about one of my books here.

The sound of the explosion nearly made me drive off the road. Who the hell shot at my freaking car? Oh wait…that wasn’t a gunshot. It was my damn tire.

So before I got to the fun part of the day, I sat on the phone with GEICO for half an hour, waited for an hour in a CVS parking lot for my tow, missed tumbling, and paid for a new tire.

Still waiting for the fun part to begin. But I’m hopeful…I’ve got some friends who can cushion the blow. No pun intended.

20140412-130722.jpg

The Famous Hervé Leger Bandage Dress…And No, You Can’t Wear Spanx Underneath

In my past life, the one I refer to as “B.C.S,” 60% off and Hervé Leger would be a magically dreamy combination.  Just FYI, “B.C.S.” stands for Before C-Section.

Courtesy of Neiman Marcus

Courtesy of Neiman Marcus

Now, those sales only depress me.

Don’t be fooled.  Hervé Leger’s iconic “hold you in” bandage dress is NOT a miracle corset, no matter what anyone tells you.  They may push your assets up but they don’t hide ANYTHING.  If you have any bit of a bulge (and one too many C-sections will most assuredly result in one of those), save yourself the imminent disappointment and find an empire-waisted option.

Normal childbirth didn’t destroy my midsection.  I had a slammin’ body after Lulu was born.  It’s true, though a little narcissistic.  I looked so much better than I ever did before kids.  And since I was only 31, I barely had to do anything to maintain my figure.  Ahh, the good old days when I actually HAD a metabolism…

But things are very different now.  Lulu’s dramatic entrance pretty much guaranteed that C-sections would become my preferred delivery method in the future.  Next came Cooper, then came George, whose birth clinched the reality that my pre-C-section body was gone forever.  I can do T25 from now until Kingdom come and it has essentially no impact on my stomach.  Couple that with age, and Hervé Leger becomes a fond but distant memory.

It’s okay, though.  I’ve come to terms with it.  I just focus on accentuating other areas now…areas which haven’t been devastated in the aftermath of childbirth and half-hearted attempts to nurse.

I have to admit that every so often, it would be nice to take advantage of those damned sales now that I can actually afford the dresses!

Life’s just full of jagged little pills, you know?

In Search Of The Elusive Green Easter Egg

Image

Some of the scenes I’ve been dabbling in lately have a lot of emotion weaved into them.  I’m trying to figure out exactly how the characters are going to react in traumatic situations and then incorporate that feeling into the story.  Not so easy, especially since I’ve never actually experienced the same type of circumstances.  The objective is to make the characters’ perceptions realistic, so that you feel what they feel and suffer the same woes.

Creativity only takes you so far, though.

Sometimes the best writing comes from personal experience.  If I can convince you what I am dealing with and you feel my angst, it makes you better able to relate to the story, right?

Well, I’m not convinced I’ve succeeded in that goal with my current writing.  But let me indulge you with a real-life experience…

Today, at our annual Easter Bunny breakfast, George and Cooper were outside at the egg hunt, searching for brightly-colored plastic eggs.  George wanted a green one so Cooper set off to find one for him.  Which should have made me beam with pride, the fact that he wanted to please his brother when most times, they are at each others’ throats.

But in the blink of an eye, Cooper disappeared.  Literally.  He went missing.  Like to the point where the dads were going to start a search.  And to the point where time stood still and my heart was ready to break at the perceived loss.  Hubby yelled at me, I yelled at him.  Those were truly the most horrific minutes of my life.  The thought of my little baby, gone from our lives forever.  I was being overly and prematurely dramatic, I know.  But raw emotion took over.  You know the kind of thoughts that permeated my mind…and Hubby advising me to keep calm only resulted in more distress.

Fortunately, my friend Jenn ran into the school and found Cooper wandering around by himself in the cafeteria, clutching a green egg for George.  He was looking for his brother so he could give him the egg.  Cooper just wanted to make his brother happy.  He didn’t know he’d done anything wrong by leaving the hunt grounds.

in the interim, Hubby and I aged ten years and miraculously lived to tell about it.

The kind of emotion we experienced in that short amount of time is so difficult to spin into words.   The heart palpitations, the panic, the gut-wrenching feeling that your momentary lapse of attention opened the door to a potentially traumatic sequence of events…how can you write that stuff without knowing how it feels?  To be honest, I’m not quite sure.  And furthermore, if having experienced such things would make me a better writer…well, I’d sooner tackle some other craft.

Jagged Little Pills, Al Bundy and Microfiber

“When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.” – Infant Sorrow

GHTTG_Soundtrack

I’ve had a couple of Jeffries shoved down my throat over the past few days.  Nearly impossible to swallow.  They’d been kind of lodged in my throat, not cutting off my breathing but jagged enough to remind me they were still ever-present.  Until I decided to take matters in my own hands.

Last night, I decided I’d had enough so I coughed them up and spit them out.  Then, I grabbed my laptop.  That’s the metaphorical “furry wall” for me.  The cobwebs of self-pity cleared and keyboard therapy commenced.

Pity parties suck and they’re never any fun, no matter how many martinis you consume.  Just FYI…

After all, there are so many other things that can turn that frown upside down!  And in my house, you never have too far to look…and how apropos that we’re on the topic of stroking.

I walked into the playroom to check on George, since he was being strangely quiet for long enough that alarm bells started going off in my head.  And there he was, sprawled on the couch and pulling an Al Bundy.

Crikey, am I dating myself with that reference???

I tried to keep a straight face but jeez…the image was just too much for me to handle.  The diaper didn’t stop him either.  No regard for the fact that he’s not potty-trained…he was having a grand old time on the MICROFIBER couch.  No wonder why he was being so quiet.  I should have known something was up.

 

Dancing Is…Prohibited? No Way! We’ve Got BACON!

Okay, so I don’t have any humorous rhetoric for you this beautiful and somewhat spring-like Monday but I do have an entertaining video to share.  The content totally fits my own sunny mood as I prepare an outline of the final scenes for Nothing Ventured.  Not that this is such a literary way of expressing excitement, but what the hell?  YIPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Glad to get the out of my system.  Now on to the video!

Hubby and I love to watch Jimmy Fallon but unfortunately, most nights we are snoozing long before The Tonight Show begins.  We usually navigate to YouTube for highlights, which is where I found this little treat. I tried really hard to stay awake but finally succumbed to a fitful slumber on the couch.  Of course it was over by the time I dragged myself to bed.

Aside from the fact that Footloose was a God-awful movie, I LOVE the song and Kevin Bacon’s entrance is hysterical.  I’m in such a good mood these days and felt like bopping around today.  Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T2FpCDlyNg

I Had An Epiphany…And It Involved Chili And Triple X

I had an epiphany today.

Over chili.

It was lunchtime and Hubby was out with the boys.  He called for our order and as usual, came home with way more than I’d asked for, including a cup of chili.

I wrinkled my nose.  “Chili?  Why?”

He looked surprised.  “You love chili, so I wanted to get something that would make you happy.”

I groaned.  “Yeah, but I ate so much yesterday and I feel so bloated and…”  You know, blah, blah, blah.

That’s when he got annoyed.

“You know, I always try to do nice things for you even when you bitch and complain.  Would you even think about getting me a new flavor of Vitamin Water if you saw it, just because you know how much I love it?”

Hmmm, maybe, maybe not.  He’s very committed to XXX.  By the way, that’s a FLAVOR, not a really perverted type of porn.

And then it dawned on me.  I’m like the annoying and self-absorbed heroines in romance novels.  The ones who never recognize the sweetness and sincerity in their hero’s actions and get caught up in their own hang-ups that they can’t see beyond their noses.

Ugh.

I can’t stand those girls.  They grate on my nerves.  I always wonder why the guys fall all over themselves to change the girls’ views of them.  WHY???  Because that’s our fantasy!  To have men who enable us to be bitchy and illogical and unreasonable and overly emotional…BUT LOVE US AND ACCEPT US ANYWAY!

Well, okay, I’m generalizing here.  But it sure works for me!

 

Unrequited Love…At Three Years-Old?!

My two little boys are obsessed with girls.

Cooper is marrying Gracie and George is in love with Juliet.  

What the heck is going on here???  They’re 3 and 4!!!!

Just as an aside, Lulu is 8 and has yet to utter a sweet word about a boy.  I hear about how rude and yucky and annoying they are, but the desire to marry any of them?  Ah, no, nothing along that front, thank goodness!  Not ready for that one!

My dad laughs and often says he didn’t know what PLANET he was on until he was 8.  Yet somehow, these guys are goo-goo eyed…and sometimes that leads to D-R-A-M-A!

Just this morning, George and I were chatting as I changed his diaper (because I can’t get my act together enough to commit to potty-training…argh!  Please don’t judge me!).  I asked him which little girl in his class is his favorite.

The name that emerged was “Doo-eee-ett.”

Hmmm.

If I didn’t know he had a girl in his class named “Juliet”, I’d be scratching my head.  But I do, so I didn’t.  =)

Now here’s the thing.

Another little cutie in the class has him in her sights.  Unrequited love at the tender age of 3!?

And forget that we don’t know if Juliet is even aware that my little Don Juan is alive! 

I’m SO not ready to deal with this!  

I Can Do Just About Anything With A Smile…Just Pop That Cork For Me, Would You?

Bath time isn’t fun.  It is AGGRAVATING.  And STRESSFUL.  I repeat myself, over and over, and nobody listens.  Corralling two little naked boys while I try to run the water and pull out the pajamas is like trying to corner a rat.  My blood boils and I struggle to keep the expletives locked up tight.  It’s hard, but I manage.  For the record, I’d manage better if I prepared myself with a couple of glasses of wine.  That’s when things run like a well-oiled machine.  Okay, fine, that’s a false picture of my alcohol-infused reality but whatever.  At least I’m relaxed.

This week I’ve been graced with the presence of Lulu at bath time.  She really is such a wonderful big sister and as much as her little brothers annoy her, she adores them and vice versa.  Each night when she ASKS me if she can give them a bath, I leap at the chance to sit on the sidelines and comment on Goodreads posts while she deals with their squirming and splashing.

It’s like having a babysitter I don’t need to pay!

Now for the aftermath…

Who CARES that the towels are flung all over the place and there’s toothpaste caked on the sink and faucet and the shower curtain is hanging on its last ring?

I can fix all that.  But since I CAN’T be tipsy every night of the week, I will continue to welcome the help.  Until Lulu comes to her senses and realizes she’s getting the short end of the stick here.

Please Don’t Ask Me About The Shower Scene…

My house is crazy-noisy.  Like, ALL THE TIME.

My husband and Lulu constantly break out into song…about anything that comes to their minds and at any given time.  Sometimes, they take turns with piano accompaniment.  Angry Bird telepods are forever sailing through the air.  Super Mario 3D World…UGH…the music alone makes my ears bleed after a while.

So just imagine how challenged I am to craft erotic scenes with this non-stop activity.  Three little kids, climbing on top of me, whining, crying, yelling, tattling…SIGH.  Getting through those scenes is always a major accomplishment, trust me on that.

Quick segue..I don’t know if you have ever heard of Fiverr, but it is the most awesome site EVER!!!  You need something, get it there…for $5!  I just got a kick-ass logo from Sami.  She turned my extremely non-committal requirements into the fabulous logo you see splashed across the top of my site.  Love?!?!

Anyway, I showed the last image to my dad this morning and it prompted some chatter about my book.  It was very basic at first, like the type of romance, the premise of the story and the point of view of the characters, blah, blah, blah.  But then he asked the dreaded question I knew I’d have to answer at some point but didn’t care to really answer EVER.

The hand rises to cover one half of his mouth, just in case the kids are in range.  “Does your book have…um…sex scenes in it?”

Eeek.

“Yes, Daddy, it does.” <CRINGE>

A nod.  Then, “Are they…graphic?”

Ack.

“Yes, Daddy.  They are explicit.”  <ARGH!>  (Please don’t ask me where my inspiration came from though, because THAT would make me uncomfortable.)

He took it in stride, though.  (No Daddy, I don’t really write porn.  Just a few little spicy takes, that’s all.  Almost perfectly innocent.  Except for that shower scene…)

My dad is difficult to read (no pun intended).  He almost never lets you know what he’s thinking.  Great freaking poker face if I ever saw one.  He doesn’t need sunglasses at all.  But even though he’s all calm on the surface, in his head, he’s totally freaked out that his little girl is writing about raucous bedroom romps that our friends and family might read at some point.  I know he’s also thinking about how my mom is going to take that when she finds out.  That’s  conversation for another day, though, preferably after I’ve had several Manhattans.

Sorry guys, little girl’s all grown up now.  =)

The $25 Thumbnail…Pretty Cheap For Soft-Core

I’m OBSESSED with creating images for Unlikely Venture.  Gotta love the digital age!  One of my fabulous author friends (who is on the best-seller list for New Adult Contemporary on Amazon UK!!) sent me something she put together for one of her books and I decided I needed to create one for mine.  So the search began.  Here’s what I found out.  Images are ridiculously PRICEY!!!  I bought what is basically a THUMBNAIL for $25!  

So many sites have cheesy images that I wouldn’t doctor and post if someone paid ME.  Then there are others that are borderline porn…need to steer clear of THAT as it’s not exactly my genre.

I think I struck a happy balance with this one, although Hubby doesn’t understand why I’m so impressed with my efforts.  “You put some text on a PICTURE for crying out loud!”

Yeah, but I did it MYSELF…and it’s for MY BOOK.  =)

Image

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 384 other followers