I Do Love Being The Master Of Someone Else’s Destiny
I wouldn’t exactly label myself a control freak. Â True, I like things done a certain way (fine, MY way) and in my time. Â But it’s not like I fall apart if they don’t go according to my set schedule. Â I may get a little crabby, but I’m not completely unreasonable or unyielding. Â I’m just…regimented. Â =)
Sometimes, though, it would be nice to set the stage for a scene in my life and then dictate exactly how I want it to play out. Â And then…the scene actually unfolds the way I’ve imagined it.
This secret desire to exercise control over a situation – could this be why I enjoy writing so much? Â Ah, to be the master of someone ELSE’S destiny, since it’s abundantly clear that there is so much in my life that’s outside the scope of my influence. Â Maybe it’s therapeutic for me to seek refuge with my laptop after a particularly grueling episode of the nighttime bathing ritual, where nobody listens, the bathroom is soaked, sopping wet towels are strewn about and the counter and sink are trimmed in peppermint-flavored Crest. Â Yelling doesn’t help, threats are futile.
Perhaps I found a way to channel all of that pent-up frustration into something constructive. Â During those long dark moments, I remember that even though things don’t always play out according to my plans, I still have the power to dictate what’s going to happen next in the lives of my characters. Â And that’s definitely worth something.
It doesn’t completely make up for my lack of sanity, but it makes the constant struggle a little easier to bear. Â At the very least, the angst feeds my creativity.