How Much Of A Sucker Are You???

Grandpa took the crew to football tonight.  I am super-excited  It’s been a long week and I really need to kick back with a glass of vino.  Ahhh.  I hear the chardonnay screaming at me to take the first refreshing sip.  But I resist, I just need to put away a few more stray toys.  Only then can I relax.

Or, maybe not.

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Can you tell what this is?  If not, you must not have little boys.  They are LEGOS.  Teeny tiny pieces of plastic ALL OVER MY KITCHEN FLOOR because dippy Mommy picked up a container by the unlocked lid.  Freaking brilliant, right?

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I eye the wine glass and bite my tongue to halt the expletives threatening to escape my mouth.

And as I pick up the pieces, only a couple at a time because you really can’t grab more than that, I have a brilliant thought.  I need a sucker.  No, I’m not talking about my Hubby (hee hee).

“The Sucker” is a contraption that you can use to “suck up” these annoying little health hazards.  I say health hazards because heaven forbid you step on one in your bare feet.  Nothing can stop THOSE expletives from exploding, trust me.

My invention would collect these annoyingly tiny pieces and you could pop open a trap door to unload them into a box in your playroom!  The best part is that “The Sucker” would be designed to pick up these pieces, so you’d never have to worry about ruining the belt, the engine, the roller and whatever other parts of a vacuum you’d otherwise destroy by accidentally picking up that kind of crap.

I need to get this on Kickstarter.  Anyone with kids would LOVE it!

And now, I’d like to enjoy my wine.  FINALLY!  Before the crew gets back. =)

I Got Sucked In…And Then Suffocated In Lena Dunham’s Horrific Ruffled Tiers

Courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

Courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

I dozed off on the couch earlier.  It felt soooo good…until Hubby pounced on me, demanding that I give the kids a bath.  Just to let you know, I loathe bath time.  It entails a lot of splashing, yelling, screaming, and SPLASHING.  And I just don’t have patience, not when I was up at 4:30 AM and on a bus to NYC shortly afterwards. Nope.  Not in the mood.  At ALL.

Instead, I wanted to stay plastered in front of the TV, watching the Emmys.  Why?  Because I get sucked in by the fashion…most of which leaves me scratching my head, mumbling, “What the eff was she THINKING?  And how the hell does her stylist get work?  Do Hollywood stylists need to pass a test for having the absolute worst taste EVER?”

Case in point…Lena Dunham, WHY???  You know the phrase “there are no words?”  Well, in this case, there are too MANY to list.  Let the photo speak for itself.

Courtesy of TODAY.com

Courtesy of TODAY.com

Kerry Washington, however, is absolutely stunning.  I adore her dress, especially the blingy shorts underneath.  So awesome.  Orange is totally the new black.  =)

Courtesy of HuffingtonPost.com

Courtesy of HuffingtonPost.com

And Sarah Silverman…before you rushed the stage to accept your award, you must have said a prayer that your boobies didn’t slip out of that freaking ugly excuse for a dress.  And you’re so classy too, showing off your marijuana vaporizer pen to the world.  Seriously?  What the hell is this world coming to?

Courtesy of PerezHilton.com

Courtesy of PerezHilton.com

Are You Risk-Averse Or Risk-Embracing??

I’m so charged up right now!  I have the best freaking idea and I’m so excited to work on it!!!

I LOVE channeling my inner creative spirit!  Sometimes it goes into overdrive.  It’s like I can’t stop it.  LOL, do you get the reference?  The Girl Next Door??  Elisha Cuthbert, former porn star, Emile Hirsch, her younger, sex-starved neighbor??

Anyway, big ideas usually come with equally large risks, and not all of them are financial.

For example, if you’re going to dive head-first into a new venture, is your Hubby going to freak out about piling on the debt to get your idea off the ground?  Since he only has his past experiences to draw upon, things might not look too promising for you. Crikey, am I ever going to redeem myself???

Is the risk of an ugly divorce worth all the effort?

Of course, if you’re a gambling person in need of startup funding you could always put your investment on black and roll the dice in hopes of making the rest.  It COULD work…

One defense mechanism you definitely need in your arsenal to overcome said risks is P-A-S-S-I-O-N.  Do you know why?  Passion won’t pay the bills but it’ll drive you towards getting your idea out there and perfecting it so that everyone immediately gets the value proposition.  That creates D-E-M-A-N-D.  And then follows the $$$$$.

See a need, fill a need!  Wow, I’m full of movie references today!

Ever see the movie Robots?  If you’re an inventor/innovator/entrepreneur, you should watch it.  It totally inspires you to get out there and find ways to make the world a better place!  Seriously!  How apropos for a kiddie flick.

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Courtesy of Wikipedia

My idea is fabulous because it is a game-changer!  It’s disruptive!  I had my “ah-ha” moment.  And it was AWESOME!

There has to be an observed need for an idea to gain traction.  And it can’t just exist solely for your own personal purposes.  You have to solve for pain points of the masses.  Making your own life less complicated is nice in theory but it won’t earn you any awards.  Think BIGGER!!!!

Ask the question – can my idea make lives easier?  If so, HOW?  That’s all part of the value prop, too.  And if there’s perceived value, there’s perceived benefit, both worthy of serious financial gains!

It’s such an exciting prospect…to smash out of the box (I’m imagining the Hulk now, kiddies are watching The Avengers).  But make yourself a promise…absolutely love the idea because if you don’t, nobody else will.

 

In Search Of The Elusive Green Easter Egg

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Some of the scenes I’ve been dabbling in lately have a lot of emotion weaved into them.  I’m trying to figure out exactly how the characters are going to react in traumatic situations and then incorporate that feeling into the story.  Not so easy, especially since I’ve never actually experienced the same type of circumstances.  The objective is to make the characters’ perceptions realistic, so that you feel what they feel and suffer the same woes.

Creativity only takes you so far, though.

Sometimes the best writing comes from personal experience.  If I can convince you what I am dealing with and you feel my angst, it makes you better able to relate to the story, right?

Well, I’m not convinced I’ve succeeded in that goal with my current writing.  But let me indulge you with a real-life experience…

Today, at our annual Easter Bunny breakfast, George and Cooper were outside at the egg hunt, searching for brightly-colored plastic eggs.  George wanted a green one so Cooper set off to find one for him.  Which should have made me beam with pride, the fact that he wanted to please his brother when most times, they are at each others’ throats.

But in the blink of an eye, Cooper disappeared.  Literally.  He went missing.  Like to the point where the dads were going to start a search.  And to the point where time stood still and my heart was ready to break at the perceived loss.  Hubby yelled at me, I yelled at him.  Those were truly the most horrific minutes of my life.  The thought of my little baby, gone from our lives forever.  I was being overly and prematurely dramatic, I know.  But raw emotion took over.  You know the kind of thoughts that permeated my mind…and Hubby advising me to keep calm only resulted in more distress.

Fortunately, my friend Jenn ran into the school and found Cooper wandering around by himself in the cafeteria, clutching a green egg for George.  He was looking for his brother so he could give him the egg.  Cooper just wanted to make his brother happy.  He didn’t know he’d done anything wrong by leaving the hunt grounds.

in the interim, Hubby and I aged ten years and miraculously lived to tell about it.

The kind of emotion we experienced in that short amount of time is so difficult to spin into words.   The heart palpitations, the panic, the gut-wrenching feeling that your momentary lapse of attention opened the door to a potentially traumatic sequence of events…how can you write that stuff without knowing how it feels?  To be honest, I’m not quite sure.  And furthermore, if having experienced such things would make me a better writer…well, I’d sooner tackle some other craft.

Please Don’t Ask Me About The Shower Scene…

My house is crazy-noisy.  Like, ALL THE TIME.

My husband and Lulu constantly break out into song…about anything that comes to their minds and at any given time.  Sometimes, they take turns with piano accompaniment.  Angry Bird telepods are forever sailing through the air.  Super Mario 3D World…UGH…the music alone makes my ears bleed after a while.

So just imagine how challenged I am to craft erotic scenes with this non-stop activity.  Three little kids, climbing on top of me, whining, crying, yelling, tattling…SIGH.  Getting through those scenes is always a major accomplishment, trust me on that.

Quick segue..I don’t know if you have ever heard of Fiverr, but it is the most awesome site EVER!!!  You need something, get it there…for $5!  I just got a kick-ass logo from Sami.  She turned my extremely non-committal requirements into the fabulous logo you see splashed across the top of my site.  Love?!?!

Anyway, I showed the last image to my dad this morning and it prompted some chatter about my book.  It was very basic at first, like the type of romance, the premise of the story and the point of view of the characters, blah, blah, blah.  But then he asked the dreaded question I knew I’d have to answer at some point but didn’t care to really answer EVER.

The hand rises to cover one half of his mouth, just in case the kids are in range.  “Does your book have…um…sex scenes in it?”

Eeek.

“Yes, Daddy, it does.” <CRINGE>

A nod.  Then, “Are they…graphic?”

Ack.

“Yes, Daddy.  They are explicit.”  <ARGH!>  (Please don’t ask me where my inspiration came from though, because THAT would make me uncomfortable.)

He took it in stride, though.  (No Daddy, I don’t really write porn.  Just a few little spicy takes, that’s all.  Almost perfectly innocent.  Except for that shower scene…)

My dad is difficult to read (no pun intended).  He almost never lets you know what he’s thinking.  Great freaking poker face if I ever saw one.  He doesn’t need sunglasses at all.  But even though he’s all calm on the surface, in his head, he’s totally freaked out that his little girl is writing about raucous bedroom romps that our friends and family might read at some point.  I know he’s also thinking about how my mom is going to take that when she finds out.  That’s  conversation for another day, though, preferably after I’ve had several Manhattans.

Sorry guys, little girl’s all grown up now.  =)

My MARVELous Universe

Marvel_avengers_alliance

I feel like I live in an alternate Marvel reality these days.

Depending on the mood of my three year-old George, a.k.a. Tony Stark, I’m at risk for being blown up by his repulser.  And he’s a VERY temperamental guy.

Cooper likens himself to Captain America.  He’s got a thing for shields.  Also, he doesn’t like keeping his clothes on so a second-skin suit kind of works well for him.  He’s a little whiny at times, but who can blame him?  Saving the world is pretty exhausting.  There’s also no love lost between Cap and Tony, so he gets blown up pretty often too.

Then there’s Lulu.  She could sell ice to an Eskimo.  Though she doesn’t share the pummeling skills of the Black Widow, if put in a room with her for an interrogation, you’d end up beating the crap out of yourself.  Her rhetoric is as powerful as Black Widow’s roundhouse kicks.  Trust me.

Hulk…well, he’s just LOUD.  That’s my Hubby, according to my kids.  Plus, he’s green (Hulk, not Hubby) and that’s super cool just like Dad.

Nobody’s really interested in Hawkeye.  He’s only good for shooting arrows.  But what happens when they run out?  Then what’s his thing?  Good eyesight?  Blah!  Plus, Black Widow can trounce his ass.  Who’d want to be THAT guy?  I would personally rather be Loki.  At least he’s got a scepter.

Where exactly does this leave me?  Who am I??

Well, I’m the ringleader of this crew, the glue that holds the whole mess of them together, for better or worse.  I am…wait for it…Nick Fury, who is one of the greatest strategic minds in the world, a born leader and a master of espionage.  Totally perfect fit.

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