If You’re A Mom Who Loves Red Wine, This Is For YOU!

Let’s face facts. Kids make a freaking mess. How many times have I had my little ones eat in their underwear so they don’t destroy their outfits? Whoa, too many times to count. You’d THINK they would eat over the table…I only scream out the request about fifty times a day!

But, fortunately for me and my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, a fabulous new product innovation was recently funded on Kickstarter and it promises to allay my concerns about dealing with offensive fabric stains FOREVER!!!!

Introducing…LiquidOff: The Magical, Self-Cleaning, Water-Repelling Spray

Courtesy of www.liquidoff.com

Courtesy of www.liquidoff.com

This revolutionary invention uses nanotechnology (which is the manipulation of matter on an atomicmolecular, and supramolecular scale) to offer a safe, effective self-cleaning solution that is eco-friendly and mind-glowingly effective. Check out this video. You’ll gasp. I did.

According to statements made by the company, LiquidOff will never affect the look, feel, breathability, or color of any treated materials. As you can see in the video, the proprietary technology allows for water and dirt to simply bead up and roll off the surface of textiles and fabrics. How incredibly cool is THAT?!

*I’ve not yet rated this product but I can’t wait to test it out!!!

How Much Of A Sucker Are You???

Grandpa took the crew to football tonight.  I am super-excited  It’s been a long week and I really need to kick back with a glass of vino.  Ahhh.  I hear the chardonnay screaming at me to take the first refreshing sip.  But I resist, I just need to put away a few more stray toys.  Only then can I relax.

Or, maybe not.

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Can you tell what this is?  If not, you must not have little boys.  They are LEGOS.  Teeny tiny pieces of plastic ALL OVER MY KITCHEN FLOOR because dippy Mommy picked up a container by the unlocked lid.  Freaking brilliant, right?

photo-2

I eye the wine glass and bite my tongue to halt the expletives threatening to escape my mouth.

And as I pick up the pieces, only a couple at a time because you really can’t grab more than that, I have a brilliant thought.  I need a sucker.  No, I’m not talking about my Hubby (hee hee).

“The Sucker” is a contraption that you can use to “suck up” these annoying little health hazards.  I say health hazards because heaven forbid you step on one in your bare feet.  Nothing can stop THOSE expletives from exploding, trust me.

My invention would collect these annoyingly tiny pieces and you could pop open a trap door to unload them into a box in your playroom!  The best part is that “The Sucker” would be designed to pick up these pieces, so you’d never have to worry about ruining the belt, the engine, the roller and whatever other parts of a vacuum you’d otherwise destroy by accidentally picking up that kind of crap.

I need to get this on Kickstarter.  Anyone with kids would LOVE it!

And now, I’d like to enjoy my wine.  FINALLY!  Before the crew gets back. =)

I Got Sucked In…And Then Suffocated In Lena Dunham’s Horrific Ruffled Tiers

Courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

Courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

I dozed off on the couch earlier.  It felt soooo good…until Hubby pounced on me, demanding that I give the kids a bath.  Just to let you know, I loathe bath time.  It entails a lot of splashing, yelling, screaming, and SPLASHING.  And I just don’t have patience, not when I was up at 4:30 AM and on a bus to NYC shortly afterwards. Nope.  Not in the mood.  At ALL.

Instead, I wanted to stay plastered in front of the TV, watching the Emmys.  Why?  Because I get sucked in by the fashion…most of which leaves me scratching my head, mumbling, “What the eff was she THINKING?  And how the hell does her stylist get work?  Do Hollywood stylists need to pass a test for having the absolute worst taste EVER?”

Case in point…Lena Dunham, WHY???  You know the phrase “there are no words?”  Well, in this case, there are too MANY to list.  Let the photo speak for itself.

Courtesy of TODAY.com

Courtesy of TODAY.com

Kerry Washington, however, is absolutely stunning.  I adore her dress, especially the blingy shorts underneath.  So awesome.  Orange is totally the new black.  =)

Courtesy of HuffingtonPost.com

Courtesy of HuffingtonPost.com

And Sarah Silverman…before you rushed the stage to accept your award, you must have said a prayer that your boobies didn’t slip out of that freaking ugly excuse for a dress.  And you’re so classy too, showing off your marijuana vaporizer pen to the world.  Seriously?  What the hell is this world coming to?

Courtesy of PerezHilton.com

Courtesy of PerezHilton.com

Desperately Channeling My Inner Chi

We got some really distressing news this morning about the child of a close friend who was just diagnosed with leukemia. But yet we let our own kids continue to haunt us all day, because we ARE only human and the stress just made us snap.

But the stress of what exactly?

Contending with three whiny, willful and wayward kids? Makes me feel so incredibly guilty. Like, how can we let the nonsense bother us when our friend’s child is undergoing aggressive treatments to cure a potentially life-threatening disease? Why can’t we hold it together better? Why can’t we be grateful they are physically able to give us a run for our money?

I hate that I can’t rise above and focus on what’s really important. It’s really a wake-up call. We need to be grateful for everything good in our lives, everyday, because if it is challenged at some point, we can never travel into the past to change our experiences. We have to embrace every moment and ignore the small stuff. Because it really IS small stuff.

I Do Love Being The Master Of Someone Else’s Destiny

I wouldn’t exactly label myself a control freak.  True, I like things done a certain way (fine, MY way) and in my time.  But it’s not like I fall apart if they don’t go according to my set schedule.  I may get a little crabby, but I’m not completely unreasonable or unyielding.  I’m just…regimented.  =)

Sometimes, though, it would be nice to set the stage for a scene in my life and then dictate exactly how I want it to play out.  And then…the scene actually unfolds the way I’ve imagined it.

This secret desire to exercise control over a situation – could this be why I enjoy writing so much?  Ah, to be the master of someone ELSE’S destiny, since it’s abundantly clear that there is so much in my life that’s outside the scope of my influence.  Maybe it’s therapeutic for me to seek refuge with my laptop after a particularly grueling episode of the nighttime bathing ritual, where nobody listens, the bathroom is soaked, sopping wet towels are strewn about and the counter and sink are trimmed in peppermint-flavored Crest.  Yelling doesn’t help, threats are futile.

Perhaps I found a way to channel all of that pent-up frustration into something constructive.  During those long dark moments, I remember that even though things don’t always play out according to my plans, I still have the power to dictate what’s going to happen next in the lives of my characters.  And that’s definitely worth something.

It doesn’t completely make up for my lack of sanity, but it makes the constant struggle a little easier to bear.  At the very least, the angst feeds my creativity.

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